Wearing vs. Styling (and Where I Land)

I have to admit, I’ve been spending a little more time scrolling on social media than I probably should. And the algorithm has definitely noticed. Certain ads and creators seem to get pushed my way over and over again lately.

What I keep seeing are these reels with split screens. On one side, there’s a dowdy-looking 50-year-old. On the other side, there’s a 50-year-old wearing clothes that are considered “in style.” Sometimes the text says wearing on one side and styling on the other. It’s the same person, the same clothes, but on the styling side there’s a French tuck, or a belt, or a swap from narrower jeans to wider-leg ones.

And I’ll be fair — I watch them. I actually find them interesting. I’m curious about how perception shifts, how small changes can alter how something reads. When I see what a French tuck can do, or how wider-leg jeans change the balance of an outfit, it all feels kind of exciting. Fun, even. And most of the time, it looks doable.

But it also feels exhausting.

Because once I sit with it for a moment, it starts to feel like I’m being taught the rules for acceptability. As if there’s a right way to be a woman my age — the correct proportions, the correct tuck, the correct silhouette — and if I just follow these steps, I’ll be allowed to pass. Allowed to be seen as put together. Acceptable.

And that’s where I start to bristle.

Does this mean I’m now supposed to keep up with every styling trick? Am I meant to French tuck on this side or that side? Am I supposed to be wearing a belt? And if so, what kind of belt — what shape, what width? Because belts look horrible on me. They always have.

And then there are straight-leg jeans. Apparently they’re “in,” but they look terrible on my body. So what am I supposed to do with that? Force myself into them anyway? Redefine the trend? Opt out entirely?

A lot of these transformations seem to work beautifully for people with a very specific body type — the kind of person who can wear almost anything and look great. Hourglass figures. Bodies that don’t seem to have to negotiate with clothing. But does this apply to me? And if it doesn’t, where does that leave me?

That’s usually the point where I start to feel a little indignant.

Because what these videos really suggest is that there are only two options for women my age: you’re either a 50-year-old who looks like she hasn’t tried at all, or a 50-year-old who’s clearly working hard to keep up with younger trends. And I don’t believe that those are the only choices.

There has to be a middle ground.

For me, that middle ground looks like buying clothing that will always look good. Clothing that isn’t dictated by fads or trends. Clothing that suits my body — not just this year, but over time. Clothing that looks good because it works for me, not because I’ve followed some invisible set of rules correctly.

If anything, all of this scrolling has just reaffirmed something I already know. We need to aspire to something bigger than constantly trying to keep up. Not only because chasing trends creates an incredible amount of fabric waste and fuels fast fashion, but because it’s tiring. Truly tiring.

Please don’t give me another list of expectations I need to meet in order to be deemed acceptable. Let me choose what I’m comfortable in and let me show up in the world wearing something that reflects who I am. I’ll choose what feels comfortable and honest for me, and trust that it’s enough. Whether someone approves has got to stop being the point.